albrie:

wHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU WHAT YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION IS AND THEN JUDGE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S MY MACBOOK WOW SORRY DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY A LOCKET MY GREAT AUNT ALICE’S GRANDFATHER’S SON HANDCRAFTED FROM KING ARTHUR’S SWORD WELDED WITH PHOENIX TEARS AND THE BLOOD OF A WOOD NYMPH NO OKAY I FUCKING LOVE MY MACBOOK NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH HOW I CAN SCROLL WITH TWO FUCKING FINGERS OKAY THAT”S BETTER THAN ANY LOCKET

(via i-ran-over-oprah)

Your follower count is what Pokémon you are. What kind of Pokémon are you?

wyvernsdreams:

If your count is higher than 719, then divide by 2 until you reach the first number to land in the 1 - 719 range and round up!

I’m currently a Treecko.

(via i-ran-over-oprah)

panicacidide:

Apparently it’s not socially acceptable for a man to invite another man out just for coffee or to go out for a meal, in case it’s perceived as a date. Like it’s fine if you wanna go to the pub and drink beer and have a chat but make it non-alcoholic and suddenly you’re not straight anymore? You can go to the cinema together but ONLY if it’s an action movie. You guys can’t even just go shopping with each other. Oh masculinity, so fragile, so strange. 

(via churchsext)

REALEST zodiac sign stuff

Aries: self-centred competitive cunts but still sweet
Taurus: nice as heck but dont show much emotions and eat a way too much
Gemini: smooth lunatic manipulative assholes but geniuses
Cancer: dependant, emotionally unstable lullabies and probably the nicest persons you know
Leo: most generous and selfish at the same time attention whores
Virgo: steady fuckers that probably have an OCD
Libra: double-faced childish bitches but they know how to look good tho
Scorpio: paranoid psychos that think about dry humping all day long
Sagittarius: funny but rude, one night stands big winner
Capricorn: cold-hearted motherfuckers without any social skills
Aquarius: weird hipsters that always try to sound deep and different but VERY open-minded
Pisces: sensible compulsive liars, daydreamers and super gentle but hypocrites